40th Birthday
by Sareen Equality
We were all excited for Auntie Candice’s fortieth birthday celebration but my mom was excited most of all. Being the middle child, she longed for a different type of attention that I couldn’t really put my finger on. Not the attention that made you grimace in pity and whisper to your favorite cousin sitting next to you, but the serene and tender type of attention that really deserved to be awed. She had become enamored with a weird sort of love that unfortunately blessed her with a baby at the age of seventeen - this was a repeated tale from my Grandmother to my second cousin. My mother went all out for Candice’s birthday. She booked a three day stay at a Victorian, 20th century, downtown hotel that was laced with brick and velvet greenery. The hotel had over 12 floors with four different restaurants. It was cash and cardless meaning we had to rely on a six digit number to fill our howling bellies for the weekend.
I arrived late. I can’t remember why; maybe because my boyfriend and I were getting a little too close - this is a wishful assumption since at this time we both hated our bodies. My aunt is a Gemini so the sun was blazing that day. The “perfect” weather gave me chills up to my ears, leaving my insides hot and body cold. A month prior, I bought my first car in full, which cut down the travel time by thirty minutes and upped my safety by 75%. After parking in the luscious, stone parking lot that was made for people of a different kind, I sprinted into the lobby, pleading with the front desk people to direct me to the hotel room my mom booked. Bickering back and forth eventually brought me to a dazzling elevator. The fragrance of oak wood and ignorance encased the glass walls of the elevator making for a gut bubbling, slow ride up to the fourth floor.
Ding. I was nauseous by the time I stepped off of the lift. That didn’t stop me from sprinting down the hall, quickly scanning doors for the number 407. My heart rate was accelerating from the sudden work out, causing my already anxious body to break out into flushed hives. I no longer felt my feet, just wind that coddled me all the way to a sleek, black door that had a chrome handle nuzzled into its frame. I knocked hard and loud, probably stirring the scrutiny of surrounding guests. Though, I couldn’t have cared less, my family was my everything and a fortieth birthday was not something I could miss. It was only a beat before I felt a gush of wind slap my body from the door bursting open.
“Happy birth-” my joyous cry was cut short when I was met with four generations of disappointment. My mother, grandmother, Aunt Dominique and Aunt Candice all stared at me as if I had cursed the family name with my presence. I sloshed my body through the door and plopped down on the highly uncomfortable, vintage couch. There was absolutely no plush filled in the cushion. Sitting there made me feel emptier than I usually felt.
“What’s wrong with you guys, I’m not that damn late?” I muttered and hoped they had heard the underlying concern I threw in there.
“Your uncle ODed on fentanyl again. I guess he did it as soon as your grandma left for Chicago. Grandpa found him, with his eyes rolled back into his head, on the basement floor.” The situation was slowly explained by my mom.
“Fucking idiot.” spat Dominique as my grandmother whispered prayers to Jehovah.
I swallowed a big ball of air before I was able to speak again.
“Well…happy fortieth aunty.”
