by Sareen Equality

cover art by J. Sparks, imbedded digital art by Gaby Testani

It had been a few weeks since Briana gave birth and the sweet, tender maternal joy she was intended to feel while rocking her new born baby within her arms, was clouded with the scariest and darkest of thoughts.

She was finding it difficult to do the most basic of things for herself. Get up. Shower. Go to work. Be a mom.

While experiencing such a deep depression, her sense of self worth and faith was depleting. Her partner, the person she was meant to depend on, had been the main source of her lacking confidence in self and love. She would leave home with lingering harsh statements, having to face the world in anguish. Already dealing with the heavyweight of a disturbing, unhealthy relationship, the additive of postpartum had made her pain reverberate.

She pondered on what the world would be like without her in it. Pondered on how to make everything silent.

Briana found herself wanting to end her life. Though understanding she had just brought a new soul to this world, she decided to look for options to protect her and her baby's life.

Confiding in a friend about her worsening mental state, Briana was introduced to a support group for women suffering from postpartum depression. She also started to change her diet and began deepening her journey of meditating in hopes to shift her mind's perspective on life. Wanting to heal also brought her to therapy. Zoloft, an SSRI (selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor) commonly prescribed to treat depression, was offered to Briana by an eager psychiatrist. Quickly, the new mom was put off by the idea after hearing the frightening long list of harmful side effects, including the potential of a worsening depressive state.

She continued to immerse herself in the healing process by entering internet forums for mothers with postpartum depression. These forums provided Briana with a new world full of access to powerful tools of alleviation. It lead her to interact with a variety of different people offering holistic and natural ways to establish happiness again. This is when she connected with a woman of nurture.

Curiously, this woman made sweet, sticky honey dosed with Psilocybin mushrooms. She had claimed that through micro-dosing magic mushrooms, she may be able to evolve her thoughts completely. The idea that this plant, usually associated with hippies and adult swim cartoons, would make such a lasting impact on her sunken spirit, was peculiar and alluring. However, before determining if she wanted to use a psychedelic drug for therapeutic means, Briana did extensive research to establish her safety.

Internet deep dives down ‘shroom rabbit holes guided her to several accounts of mothers who have micro-dosed magic mushrooms as a means to cope with postpartum symptoms. It was this moment that made her take the leap into an affair with unlocking her mind.

“I would plan out my microdoses so the more intense points would hit during my therapy session…We were getting leaps and bounds every therapy session because I’d be so much more open and introspective” - Briana Rose.

Entering 2025, there are many different countries that are also researching the use of psychedelics within psychotherapy. Announced by BBC, Australia is now the first country to officially legalize Psilocybin and MDA as a prescription drug for mental illnesses. While this marks a pivotal moment in the mental health industry, it also raises the question on how magical can these mushrooms be?

Timothy Leary was an American psychologist who taught at Harvard University who began experiments on magic mushrooms at the university in the early sixties, marking it as the Harvard Psilocybin Project. His advocacy for psychedelics became so widespread, and stayed popular even after the banning of psychedelics in the United States during the 70s. America’s own president Richard Nixon had caught wind of Leary’s claims, prompting the president to accuse him of being the “the most dangerous man in America”. 

Leary had pumped out several assertions that psychedelics have shown great potential of being a tool within the psychiatric industry. Through fifteen extensive years of experiments and research, he was able to determine that psychedelics were indeed, able to alter personalities and widen the human consciousness. Even with the numerous amount of support and evidence to corroborate his conclusions, Leary was deemed a mad man and ultimately fired from Harvard University, abruptly ceasing the research project.

Though, after years of continued ‘shroom investigations, perspectives on psychedelics started to shift throughout the empire of psychology. Experts are now voicing similar sentiments to Leary’s speculations. Psychopharmacologist, Roland Griffiths conducted a Psilocybin based study that targeted those with immeasurable depressive moods. In his TEDMED talk, he reveals findings in what he calls, the John Hopkins Psilocybin Research Project.

On a stark white couch lays an individual, completely flat with headphones on and a black eye mask covering their eyes. It was made cozy with fluffy pillows, sheets and blankets. These headphones played music to soothe the person wearing them. This is how the setting of this study was curated. Each session was performed as a one-on-one guidance. Volunteers had a range of criteria to being picked, but a particular group became the focus. Individuals with life threatening cancer and deep depressive moods.

“Ninety-two percent of those people who received the high dosage of Psilocybin, five weeks after the session, were showing clinically significant improvements” - Roland Griffths, TEDMED.

Post experiment, they uncovered that nearly eighty percent of volunteers with cancer had sustained notable improvements in mood. These volunteers found themselves motivated to continue throughout their life with a smile, however short or extended it may be due to their illness. The improvements are further demonstrated in a clinical study conducted by Australian clinical psychologist Dr. Margaret Ross and psychedelic researcher Dr. Justin Dwyer, who too curated a clinical study involving individuals impacted by distressing mental states. 

In an ABC News documentary, they detailed their trial that primarily followed Lindy Bok, a woman with stage four breast cancer. During the study, Lindy would meet with both doctors for a talk therapy session a day before actual consumption. On the day of dosing, Lindy would be placed in a bedroom-like environment and given a twenty-five milligram Psilocybin capsule - a considerably high dosage. Eyes covered and music playing in ears, the mother of two started on an intense emotional journey, leaning into the agonizing emotions that had literally taken her breath away. She at one point, found herself unable to breathe during the trip.

Throughout her journey, Lindy could no longer hold back such intense feelings and started to release them through tears that stained her white Kleenex. Not only was she able to reflect on her terminal diagnosis through a new viewpoint, she also was able to acknowledge suppressed childhood trauma, allowing her to live the rest of her life emotionally at peace. 

Nearing the end of the study, the doctors found positive clinical change within Lindy as she accounted for smiling and laughing more in the last few weeks since she received her cancer diagnosis in 2021. Her children double down that their mother’s anxiety has diminished a significant amount and she seen going with the flow more often. 

Though not a volunteer of either study, Briana Rose participated in a similar experience with a psychedelic guide. A few months had passed since Briana had been stirring her magic honey into Lipton green tea to receive a micro-dosed effect of Psilocybin. She was more open, gaining new access to her brain, body and various dimensions. 

Because of this, she wanted to push the ability of mushrooms and further her experience to a different caliber. After connecting through social media, she arranged a guided Psilocybin session with professional practitioner Buki Fadipe.

Anticipation was rising as Briana walked toward a tent in the middle of Clinton Hill, New York. The inside was stylized as an altar would be, having shelf space to allow her to place items upon it. Similar to volunteers of Griffths’s Psilocybin study, she laid down and closed her eyes while listening to a music playlist curated by Fadipe. It had been an eight hour trip full of beauty that Briana felt truly tore open her mind. 

“Because of the heart-breaking situation I was in, I just…cried hysterically but then I was also laughing because human life is such craziness” - Briana Rose.

Psilocybin mushrooms have the power to adjust perspective on life in such an overwhelming manner that many opposing emotions can be felt at the same time. In a therapeutic realm, this is a positive when it comes to revealing repressed traumas. 

Though, it shouldn’t be assumed that ‘shrooms are a perfect alternative. Psilocybin does have risks that we should factor into this worldwide discussion of therapeutic psychedelics. The funky fungi can stir up such paramount emotions that can lead to catastrophic and potentially life threatening situation

The “Bad Trip” experience is a phenomenon that can occur after a relatively large dosage of a psychedelic. Psilocybin is described to be an unpredictable substance that can either be very pleasant or very scary. Because the drug is vastly psychological, someone with pre-existing mental disorders can in turn worsen their mental state if the trip goes awry. 

Psychedelic experts stress that when using magic mushrooms, there should be a trip sitter present due to the out of control nature of the drug. 

Magic mushrooms have the ability to morph the perception and awareness of time as explained by harm reduction youtuber, Psyched Substance. This, paired with the intense and potentially grueling emotions Psilocybin can muster, would be an incredibly dangerous situation. 

“Time loses all meaning, a moment feels like eternity and if you’re in a extremely scary
head space and a moment is eternity, you can convince yourself that the only way out of trip is to kill yourself.”
- Psyched Substance.

There is a risk to any and every drug you consume whether it be in a medicinal or recreational setting. As it stands, even using SSRIs as a long term or short term aid can produce frustrating symptoms for their users.  

J.D. was a model student and easily stayed within the top ten in her class for the last two years of high-school. She was an active participant of multiple school clubs, including the student government. She kept her GPA high by filling her schedule with AP classes. However, this tight focus on academics seemed to be a blanket to shrink the growing pain she was feeling.

At the beginning of her Junior year,  J.D. sat across from her psychiatrist, devastated after receiving her diagnosis of post traumatic stress disorder. She started to hate herself for telling the doctors the truth. She belittled herself for being honest about her abrasive mother who would hit her too hard as a child, leaving open wounds J.D. had suppressed with books. She begged them to take it back all while wanting her heart to control itself when the last bell in school rang or when the hallway became an echoed chamber of voices.

Her world was shattering and she spiraled into mass amounts of confusion, trying to decipher how as a teenage girl was dealing with an illness usually linked with war veterans. 

Even dazed by her diagnosis, J.D. found herself understanding the conclusion considering her severe symptoms. Finishing out school days became increasingly more difficult and she’d end up calling her father for an early dismissal well before the last period even started. Being in the lunch room or heavily populated hallways left J.D. breathless with headaches and nausea. Her once-airy mood now felt heavy, leaving her no choice but to abandon club president positions.

Fearing for her pristine school record, J.D. decided that she wanted to begin using SSRIs. Her psychiatrist prescribed her with Trazodone and Sertraline which she took every single day for the next few months. One pill in the morning and one pill at night. One pill after breakfast, one pill before bed.

It was nearing the end of the school year when the bell blared loud and students trickled out of the math classroom, sighing in defeat at the difficult test they just took on. Within the sea of students fighting to make their way out of the door, the teacher sees an abnormal sight, J.D.’s head laid flat against the wooden desk. Reaching out to collect J.D.’s test, her teacher notices that less than half is complete.

“I had been exhausted the whole day. It felt like a dream and even trying to remember specific moments
for that day now is difficult, which honestly is scary.” - J.D.

Falling asleep in class became an awful habit with J.D. as she continued taking medication for her PTSD. Because J.D. established herself as a dedicated student, teachers was truly concerned with this new trend from their marvel student.

Unfortunately, fatigue was only one of her many, worsening symptoms. She began to notice that any time she held her pencil while studying or a softball bat during practice, her hands would uncontrollably quiver. The headaches were extensively worse now, forcing her to suffer through long and painful spells of dizziness while moving around. She’d constantly feel as though she was walking through jello.

It was at this point that J.D. raised concerns with her psychiatrist and was prescribed a different drug to combat these reactions. Now at twenty-one, she has tried over five different medications and seen various therapists for her still rampant PTSD symptoms.

But now, she also suffers with the additive effects of long term SSRI usage: numbed emotional state, chronic migraines, instability in weight, tremors and no sex drive.

She now is on her own path to finding more holistic ways of healing, being fed up of these, at times, debilitating SSRI side effects.

Told to Big Think, psychedelic drug researcher, Matthew Johnson, would classify ‘shrooms as “freakishly physically safe” in comparison to other psychoactive drugs. He details a study conducted in 2010 that ranked magic mushrooms as the lowest psychoactive drug to cause harm to users and others. 

In this graph, we can see legal drugs such as Alcohol and Tobacco being significantly more dangerous than the psychedelic mushroom.

Different from its legal counterpart, alcohol, mushrooms are not addictive. Properties within the psychedelic do not cause the body to form a physical dependency. However, with consistent over-consumption, someone could find themselves psychologically dependent on the hallucinogenic drug.

Additionally, Psilocybin is known to not have lethal dosage, meaning the potential to overdose on plant usage itself is near impossible.

It’s been two years since Briana Rose had first begun micro-dosing magic mushrooms as a means to subside her postpartum depression. She continues to take small doses of Psilocybin on a consistent basis and now cultivates her own ‘shrooms to share with those looking for a new therapeutic remedy. Briana is a firm believer in using mushrooms as a healing aid and would assert her usage of it as simply taking a multivitamin.

Her smile has been much more vibrant than ever and she now finds solace in motherhood.

“The hood needs mushrooms to heal” - Briana Rose.